How Samantha Cameron might have commented on what the PM’s big Europe speech means for fashion
Well it is such ages since the last emergency Farc meeting that nobody can agree what Farc stands for? Anya says it is obvs fabulous Anya rules (in) China, but Sarah Govey says it is acronym for Fashion Resilience Committee & she should know being a writer, and Anya was like oh really so that is what you call it, and it actually got quite heated, I went, anger-management anyone, who cares, does anyone even ask why the government one is called Rattlesnake? Anya was like, Adder actually, and Mary Portas was like, now move on ladies, what matters is that Britfash is facing its biggest crisis since Cherie Blair went out with a matching Burberry tote and booties? Anya was like, correction, its biggest crisis since Dave wore city shoes with no socks, I went, seriously, I cannot believe you do not know that is an actual look with Italian men and we happened to be in Italy, but whatever, I thought we were meeting about Europe?
So they all start going honestly Samantha, what is Dave even like, then Anna’s conference call comes through, she’s like, Samantha, kindly tell David that Vogue prefers a Britain within the EU *eeek face*, so I go, so what happened with the ambassador’s job & btw are you fine with Michelle channelling your fringe, I suppose you could grow it out, so she hangs up without even saying “that’s all”?
I mean, how embarrassing, that moment when you realise your bffs think your husband is their enemy? I’m like, you do realise I could not have done more to put the speech off, plus Nancy swears nobody would believe how suicidally crap it was until she rejigged it last night, so at least there will only be a referendum if something really really awful happens? So everyone goes, well, HOW really really awful? I said, well, you know, literally so majorly MAJORLY awful you would totally have to have a referendum, and Mary was like, problem – what could be awful enough to cost Britain the export of a single pair of my Kinky Knickers? Anya was like, make that a Hindmarch python clutch? I’m like, fine, maybe Dave could add one more majorly, I will see what I can do 🙁