How Samantha Cameron might have commented on reports that Adam Afriyie has been groomed as a replacement for the prime minister
So it was Saturday evening which basically equals Borgen equals major political FOMO, as in I went to Dave, babes, can someone please explain why the Danish prime minister gets to have these divine lights paid for by the actual state, that artichoke one is to die for, plus she has this hot Scandi spin doctor always around, the Kasper guy *swoons*, and we have to have Craig Oliver, I mean unfairness, much? So Dave was going, well what if he grew a beard, I’m like nay tak, when there is a knock, and of course it is Craig so we are totally oh my days, parlez du whatever, hilairness except he is waving a Mail on Sunday & going if you will forgive the intrusion sir you need to see this Afriyie story.
So Dave is like *iron resolve face* thank you Craig, are we talking troops or transport, this requires a response that is tough but also intelligent – but this is so random, it turns out to be an actual person & not an ungoverned space? And Craig says he is an MP called something like Alan & literally nobody has ever met him? I mean I know he lives somewhere seriously ungoverned, Camberwell or wherever, but Nancy is right, that is no excuse, she’s like, Dad you clown, you mean we own this major diversity asset & you have not even used him as window dressing, what are you even LIKE?
So unfort it is too late to do any ethnic PR now because Alan Afrything wants Dave’s job? As in seriously ridic but also quite boring because Dave had to call this Stop Alan meeting in our kitchen 🙁 and Picklesy is going to befriend him, as in mwahaha, because Dave said it would have to be a social outcast or Alan would smell a rat, and Hunty has started an effigy & Anna Soubry is doing this amaze visual profiling where she just kind of looks & she can instantly tell Alan is a millionaire of the noov persuasion? But Crosby was like, Dave, trust Lynton, I can tell just by fucking looking that Afchummy will never lead your little party, am I right Sabrina, I’m like, excuse me, you do realise I used to play pool with Tricky?