The prizewinning pooch travels in a ‘dog buggy’, with six bodyguards
And so to Los Angeles, the better to answer the question that has doubtless been plaguing your every waking hour. What’s been happening in the career of Pudsey, the dog that triumphed over a scarcely believable array of gifted individuals – including a man who could do an impersonation of a Dalek – to win the last series of Britain’s Got Talent? The answer appears to be: stuff that will blow even the most jaded of minds.
According to an article in Hello! magazine, Pudsey and his owner Ashleigh were recently flown to the US on Simon Cowell’s private jet. There, fearful of a dognapping, his owner has been forced to “up security”. She now employs an entourage of six who act as the dog’s bodyguards, presumably before going home, standing in front of the mirror and crying and crying and crying: “My job involves being part of a team of six who act as bodyguards to a dog that walks on its hind legs to the theme tune from The Flintstones, dear God please tell me I’ve reached some kind of nadir here.”
So popular is the dog that it can no longer be taken out for a walk and instead has to be transported everywhere in something called a “dog buggy”; to keep fit, it exercises indoors on a treadmill, before being massaged. Most importantly, the dog is about to release its autobiography. “This is Pudsey’s remarkable life story, straight from the dog’s mouth,” offers the publisher’s website. “Here are all the exclusive stories from Britain’s favourite dancing dog.”
There are obviously those who will view this book – like so much of the output of Simon Cowell’s global media empire – as an entity aimed solely at the lucrative “irredeemable half-wit” market. Lost in Showbiz, however, thinks this could genuinely be a taboo-busting, boundary-pushing game-changer. What we have here is a celebrity memoir written by a celebrity who has almost undoubtedly rolled around in excrement and vigorously licked their own genitals in public.
With the best will in the world, Cheryl Cole’s forthcoming “tell-all” autobiography won’t match that.