One has never felt so depressed – and did someone mention the ‘pleb’ word?
The Queen: Hello. What do you do?
Osborne: I’m the chancellor.
The Queen: Oh! I could have sworn your family was in sawft furnishings.
Cameron: And this is the Cleggster.
The Queen: How naice! And whart does he do?
Cameron: Absolutely nothing, Ma’am. That’s the whole point of him.
The Queen: One’s got one of those. One calls him Prince Edward.
William Hague: May I draw your attention to the situation in Venezuela, Ma’am?
The Queen: Don’t you mean Afghanistan, you ghastly little man? And whart’s the situation with the economy?
Osborne: To be honest, Ma’am, we haven’t a clue. But don’t worry, because you’ll almost certainly be dead long before there are any signs of recovery.
Iain Duncan Smith: And if you aren’t, don’t come running to me for your pension.
Cameron: Smile for the camera, everyone!
The Queen: I’ve never felt so depressed.
Osborne: Thank God she’s gone, Cams. What a pleb.
Thrasher Mitchell: I still def’nit’ly nevva sed vat wurd.
Cameron: Chillax! The Queen is just so common Bex at a Chipping Norton kitchen supper at the weekend.
Osborne: How is the old flame-haired temptress?
Cameron: Bearing up as well as an £11m pay-off from News International will allow.
Everyone: Isn’t it a bit iffy hanging around with her again?
Cameron: Why? She hasn’t been banged up.
Cameron: And good old Sir Brian …
Leveson: Make that Lord Brian.
Cameron: … went out of his way to say how nice it was that I had so many influential friends in the media and what a shame it would be if one wasn’t able to borrow a horse to go hunting.
Heythrop Hunt: Kill, kill, kill!
Raisa the ex-police horse: It’s all very well for you, but I’m the one that has lardy-arse on my back.
Clegg: I’d love to get that much attention from Dave.
Cameron: Did you say something?
Clegg: I really think it’s time to put my foot down and show how effectual I am, because if it wasn’t for me everything would be much, much worse.
Osborne: How sweet! Cleggster doesn’t even realise we start by saying something completely outrageous to make him feel like he’s achieving something important when we settle for what we were always going to do anyway.
The Queen: Awn reflection, one may have been doing Prince Edward a disservice.